It's over. How do I live without him?

[Thornton]

You aren't alone, KAS. And I don't think anyone here will give up on you. We are family here.

I think the way you feel describes me as well. Anxiety, depression, followed by bursts of feeling ok. It just takes as long as it takes. You can do this, it will get better.

[kas99]

Thank you.

I lurk on a divorced dads forum (no women allowed). I like it because they focus solely on D strategy after the BD. They say pull it together for your kids (be the lighthouse) while the WAS chases rainbows and unicorns. Kids come first. Always. They say prepare for war because some WAS's lie. "I'll take care of you" while socking away cash from a promotion they didn't tell you about. "I need time" while dating. Focus on building a solid D case - fall apart later. They say no distractions, no drinking, no dating. Keep a clear head because my life and my kids lives depend on it.

[kas99]

Okay I’m home. I’ve got my game face on. Going to cook dinner and focus on my kids. Trying to be positive and to fight these thoughts.

[kas99]

He paid off D17s hospital bill. He’s on a roll but I filed first so it doesn’t matter. Oh and he accused me of upgrading my phone. D14 said “unless she did it in the past 3 days she has the same phone”. I have an Android on standby because I’m going to ditch my pricey iPhone once he cuts me off. It’s a 6s so it’s on its last leg anyway. Republic wireless $30 a month. All I need is text, phone and Waze. Lol

[kas99]

S19 hates D14. I get it because I don't like her either. Please no bashing I already feel like crap because just now....I mean just now this very minute figured out what's wrong.

I have a favorite kid. Crap this is hard to say out loud and I swear I didn't know. Wouldn't know it now had D17 not been on my case about it. Was texting D14 just now and it clicked.

Okay so how do I fix this? I love D14 I've just catered to S19 and allowed him to run the show. D14 doesn't live here so S19 is happy as a clam. How do I get her back....and deal with S19? I have NO idea how to fix this.

Be kind. Just help me get D14 back before it's too late.

[kas99]

I don’t know how to juggle D16, D14 and an aspergers S19. They all want and need my full attention right now but I’m one person with only so many hours in s day. When WAH first left I stayed up every night until midnight making sure each kid got one on one time. It was summer and I couldn’t sleep anyway. What do I do now??

[hoosjim]

Why do you think they need "one on one" time as opposed to "family time"? Why not try to build some good memories with all of the kids together (or at least a couple of them) ad opposed to just one on one? Would save you some more time for yourself, too.

Get up a family card game or board game (or Xbox, whatever) and have a mix tape playing with music you know everyone likes (or invite one or more to bring the music, or take turns)... Have fun snacks like popcorn or m&Ms available.

My S20 has Tourettes, which like Asperger's is considered by many docs to be on the high functioning end of the autism vspectrum, and shares some of the characteristics, and he always did better in group settings with his brother than he did one on one with us.

[LH19]

HJ is right, some of the best times the kids and I have are playing board games singing along with Pandora or making popcorn and watching movies. Especially in the winter. Costs nothing and they love it.

[FlySolo]

There's no judgement here Kas. We are all different stages of getting through this.

I don't think that you love one child more than the other. D10 is much easier to love than D13. I love them both the same though. When D13 looks at me with utter hatred, or worse, disappointment. I have wanted to shout "go live with your dad". We are human - not robots that can take untold amounts of sh!t and still come out looking like some sort of all knowing buddha. Forgive yourself. Tomorrow is another day. A chance to wipe the slate clean and reset your intentions.

You said before that your children feel safe talking to you but that it is a double edged sword and you feel like you are being ganged up on. What is it they say that makes you feel ganged up on? Are you strong enough to separate the feeling of being attacked and focus instead on what they are saying and not necessarily how they are saying it?

[Ginger1]

This is why D14 isn’t living with you. A child can feel this. Her mother doesn’t like her, her brother hates her, and mom pretty much supports this.

I’m glad you want to change this. I don’t even think it’s that you don’t like your D14. I think you are very jealous of her.

It destroyed me as a kid when I felt my mother was resentful of me.

Kas, there is nothing more important in this world than your mental health and your kids mental health.

Right now, I can’t think of any better way to spend your money than on copays for counseling.

This is beyond what some strangers on the internet can offer you. You and your family needs this almost as much as food. I say this with the utmost concern and worry, and with the least judgement.

Get your you and your family the help you all deserve and I imagine that life will be infinitely brighter