Hey Kas, can you clarify the above? It sounds like your support leader is telling you that you can't have "plenty of fun" anymore but I'm sure I'm just misunderstanding. Can I ask what the fun activities were that you were engaging in with the kids before? And what is preventing you from doing them again?
We all lived in this bubble, this artificial unreality and none of it was real. It's not unlike the "fun" of an affair. We were in this nice house, all the kids there, the pets, we had money, nothing changed except WAH wasn't there. He worked all the time anyway so the kids adjusted quickly to his absence. My support leader said this doesn't exist anymore and now I must adjust to reality.
We played video games (D14 isn't there anymore). We watched stupid you tube videos and laughed (D14 isn't there anymore). S19 helped with homework (D14 isn't there anymore). I'd hang out upstairs while the girls played (D14 isn't there anymore).
WAH selfishly bribed D14 for her loyalty. I know it's hard for people to understand why and how he got away with this but he did. It's been 2 months and he's losing ground with her but for now she stands by him.
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It takes a while, you'll get there. It's been a while since you were BD'd, but the move kind of threw your life into turmoil all over again, and waiting for your H to be served is no doubt hanging over you like a dark cloud. It'll all settle down soon and you'll start getting used to your "new normal". I never thought I would adjust, for quite a while everything seemed so bleak. I resolved to live on for my kids, but didn't think I'd ever have much quality of life again. But with time everything got much better. My IC kept using that "new normal" phrase all the time and it really rubbed me the wrong way. But now I look back and see exactly what she meant. It's human nature to cling to status quo, most of us just don't like change. But once the changes become our new normal, then we learn to get comfortable with them.
Had to quote this whole thing because yes to all of it. Turmoil, bleak, new normal, quality of life gone, clinging to status quo, yes I'm there. I'm okay with him getting served what I'm dreading is having to go to court. If it were just a D we could communicate through our attorneys and never see each other. People here tell me a support hearing isn't bad that my attorney will do most of the talking while I stand there but still it's a dark cloud for sure. I will be asked if he's having an affair which means I threw down the gauntlet, challenging him to an ugly divorce which I didn't want but in my fault state he left me no other choice. I hate this.
