Kas - that's OK. This is (well it was, I am not sure know after reading DV's thread) a safe place to vent. Try and focus on the things that did go right (you sent time with S19 in his car, you got to spend time with D14) or reframe the things that did not go so well so that a) they do not loom so large in your mind, or make them ridiculous, like your watching a sitcom in your head and it is happening to someone else. Change the narrative.
I do see the glimpses of the love your children have for you, particularly S19. Hold on to that.
DV's thread? Nevermind I may not want to know.
Both S19 and D17 love me a lot. I've just been talking about S19 more lately. D14 chased the money but I'm seeing glimpses that she misses me. It's only been 2 months though.
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Girls are a funny lot during their teenage years. Emotional sensitive and ready to turn on a dime. Everything is drama.
To be fair to D13, the pizza was horrible.
D17 wasn't like this before because she didn't feel safe enough to express her feelings to me. Honestly now all 3 feel safe enough to tell me anything. It's a double edged sword. On the one hand it shows growth on my end and on the other hand sometimes I feel ganged up on.
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Don't worry - we've all done this. We need to feel connected to people and sometimes we turn to the wrong people. It is not weakness, it is human. Forgive yourself, forgive her, but just don't do it again. If you need to vent, do it here, do it with your IC. We/they don't have an agenda.
I reached out to my mother after being estranged for 20 years. We chatted for 3 days via email before I realized she hadn't changed and that seeing her would only make me feel worse. Haven't spoken to my sister in 6-7 years and yeah....no. My ego took a hit because it showed WAH that I was weak.
