Even the issue of my responding to the OW fits the above double-standard. I know for a fact that she's been in touch with one of the OM at least up until she told me about the infidelity. So that means that, assuming the facts she told me are true (it was one time thing, etc.), she was in touch with him for years after that. I wasn't aware or involved; I didn't get to police her communications; she got to let things play out over years and assuming (as she said) that she tried to put more distance between her and the OM, she got to do so at her pace, in private. I respond to the OW's text one time and immediately tell my wife about it and suddenly that's it -- I'm the most terrible person on Earth and she's "done" with me etc.
That's some BS.
I don't think you need to stay home necessarily, it's definitely not going to change her mind. I think you doing your GAL is the way you improve your mental state and your whole self as well as draw her back to you and make her miss you.
I think the changes you need to show her need to be genuine, not you peacocking around like you changed overnight. That's why you detach, so that you don't let every little thing get to you.
I think you need to address your fears of talking to her. Treat her like clerk at the grocery store, be brief, certainly don't be fearful. She will try to start fights, which is why I encourage you to learn 2 or 3 validating phrases and learn about validation.
I would probably not get her anything, she has rejected you. Show her you heard her and that you understand you are not her romantic partner.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
