U, listen to Rooskers, separate from her financially and lawyer up. This isn't about being vindictive, it's about protecting yourself. You've said she's controlling and manipulative, and that she's spending 700 on groceries (no she's not, she's probably hoarding cash and will claim it as marital debt). Too many red flags. Get an L as soon as possible and start taking measures to protect yourself.
Rooskers approach was to protect himself without being mean or vindictive or burning any bridges. I think the way he handled it probably earned him the respect of his W. She'd never admit it but she probably couldn't help but respect the strength he showed in handling things.
