Battling Forward Part2

[SteveLW]

I've been reading more about attraction, how it all connects in some of our situations. As I redevelop these qualities, I'm not sure how to use them.

Confidence - my W will only talk to me about the kids. She doesn't see me out and about being confident. Per DB rules, I'm supposed to not initiate chats. That leaves me with what ways to show confidence other than posture and body language around the kids?

Assertiveness - same as above.

Integrity - she knows I have this in spades

Flirting - if she hates me and I'm not supposed to pursue, how am I supposed to flirt or compliment?

Sense of humour - My heart is broken, my soul and lifeforce sucked up in one of those things ghost busters capture spirits in. I'm mostly a shell filled with a deep sadness. Not sure how to be funny and think quick.

Witty, intelligence - if we don't talk, she won't know.

Strength - I've my new strength gains and am cut again but its not like I can walk around without a shirt on, or pick her up without her feeling uncomfortable. If she's not my wife in spirit technically her and and I may perceive any kind of touch as harassment.

Leadership - I left my work role in which I was a leader and had power. Family leadership is talked about but I dont understand without examples. What are examples of leading a family?

At this point, all I feel I can do and I've done is have an open posture, kill off my anxiety vibes, exercise in our main room and use kids as weights. She watched me one time. Talk to the kids with humour, assertiveness and confidence. Help D4 with her confiedence. This woman has always been hard to talk to even when we were friends. Do I break the DB rule and take the lead on talking?

Another anti-D expert I studied during my sitch put it like this:

Become the best you that you can be for you! And then when you get opportunities, you show it to her. NOTICE: When you get opportunities. IE don't go looking to create opportunities! All of us that have been through it can tell you for a fact that if you try to create opportunities then you will get your grapes squashed. Almost every single time.

Sense of humour - My heart is broken, my soul and lifeforce sucked up in one of those things ghost busters capture spirits in. I'm mostly a shell filled with a deep sadness. Not sure how to be funny and think quick.

The answer to this one is going to sound counter-intuitive, and it is....just like most of the advice in DBing. But the answer to this one is DO NOT LOSE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. Back in the 80s a group of psychologist did and experiment. They took people that were sad and depressed, and had them force themselves to smile. Guess what, what they found is that when you do that you move muscles in your face that you only use when you are happy, and it triggered endorphins to be released in the brain and people felt happier. You see Sense of humor, and you think "I am too said to be humorous". In reality it is exactly because you are sad that you should be humorous!!!

At this point, all I feel I can do and I've done is have an open posture, kill off my anxiety vibes, exercise in our main room and use kids as weights. She watched me one time. Talk to the kids with humour, assertiveness and confidence. Help D4 with her confiedence. This woman has always been hard to talk to even when we were friends. Do I break the DB rule and take the lead on talking?

DId you see what I said above? About getting your grapes crushed? Trust me, the reason we say not to initiate conversation especially R talks is because it almost always goes poorly. It almost always does more harm than good. Again, this is the illusion of action. However, doing nothing is the right thing to do!!