Breathe! First order of business is get your Christmas shopping done. Christmas is just a little bit over a week away and you need to put your kids first. As for what the plans are for Christmas...make plans and if he wants to join in, so be it. Don't wait on him.
Your expectation level of him is far, far too high. Lower the bar on this because he's acting out and like a teenager, he's only thinking of himself, i.e., selfish, feels entitled, etc. As for staying out all night and coming home in the morning...typical behavior of someone who is rebelling against "mom". Right now, he looks at you as an authority figure and he is doing everything in his power to run from his demons and yes, probably wanting you to react to his behavior and say something to him about it. Don't take his bait.
As for thinking about selling the home and alternate living options...one day at a time. I would first look around for alternate living options and then think about selling the home...but is there a rush to do this right now? If not, step back, focus on your children and you. Even though you don't feel like it, you've got this and your kids need to have a good holiday.
Again, do not wait for him to initiate a conversation about plans for the holidays. Take the lead, plan some fun things for you and the children and you can either invite him to participate and if he says no, that's on him. Or, you can make the plans, inform him and then go about your business.
Keep the focus on you and your children and don't forget to breathe!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
