Well the last couple of days has revealed a turnaround in W behaviour towards me. Last week i was reporting that time at home and around eachother was better, even fun , that family time with Kids was a togetherness. Now yesterday its back to coldness towards me, etc etc. My DB'ing is at work though, so i was kind of expecting it and not reacting. We just had an email exchange about what was happening over Christmas amongst day to day stuff.
Email exchange:
W - Re Brighton – I don’t think it’s fair on anyone to take kids down Boxing Day but wanted to ask whether you would mind if I took the kids Sunday down to Brighton and overnight, back on 23rd? I won’t see M&D down there as they are going Christmas Eve but I don’t particularly want to be whizzing back Christmas Eve either….
Me : I thought we had already agreed this was going to happen?
W : We hadn’t agreed Brighton, I said I didn’t think it was fair taking them Boxing Day and you didn’t say anything…..
Me: Maybe I’m mis -remembering, correct me If I’m wrong - Re Boxing day You mentioned 26th is when (her Brother) was having their Christmas Day so (his daughter) could be there. I then came back to you and said as you weren’t able to see your parents you could always go if you wanted to. You said no its probably not fair, then said ok maybe we’ll go down on the 22nd/23rd. I said of course no problem. This is what I meant by my understanding of what we had agreed upon.
W: Well my take on the conversation is very different but there you go. It’s fine – I didn’t think it was fair on you but anyway. I have asked (Her Brother) whether he would mind if we went down Sunday – if he can’t accommodate then we will go Boxing Day.
Me: I think its best from now on to keep agreements on e-mail then there is no room for a different take to be taken. Yes you are right it isn’t fair on anyone, but I also know its important for you and the kids to see family. I will never stand in the way of that – hence why I offered the opportunity to you.
I believe i was fair in my responses, maybe a little emotion, but not cold? However, nothing received since, which is usually a sign that she has been baiting me, and i haven't risen to it.
Is this an example of the pursuit/distancing at work? That she was getting comfortable with our time together, and perhaps she has shared this with her enablers (her Parents, and friends) and there is a definition that she is not in control and by returning to wantaway demeanor then its re-drawing a line in the sand?
Either way she has just copied me in on a mail with the mediation service to say that She and I have agreed for a date to be confirmed in January. (UK Mediation is usually devising a pragmatic approach (finances/Parenting plans, ect etc) to separation/divorce, not a reconciliation service at all) Whilst i'm not agreeing with mediation, i am not fighting it. If W wants this process then she does the leg work.
