IW ~ Your posts always make me pause and reconsider my thoughts. I wasn't clear in my earlier posts, but lately I feel like I'm sacrificing in so many ways - time with the kids, financially, going to C to try to be amicable in the face of abuse.
Sometimes I struggle, like many of us, to separate my feelings from the tangible - custody, finances, etc.
Feelings: Yes, I feel controlled. Take the issue of continuing to go to C. I'm not even sure what DB would say is the right thing to do. Do I continue to go, show my W I am not afraid of her, and stand up to her allegations? Or do I stop going, because the very act of going to C is a way of her controlling me?
The watch? She pings me about him wearing the watch. What do I do? The watch itself is a symbol of control.
Tangible: Custody - I want more. Finances - I am effectively supporting her way above what I would need to in a post-D world. Strip away feelings, I am giving way in all these areas. It needs to be addressed. It's not about how I feel about them... it is simply me handing over money and time with my kids for no discernible reason other than that's how it is. That's not working for me.
And I also tell myself, from a DB perspective, there is no benefit to continuing to support my W's fantasy that D is going to look like our situation does today.
Sigh... I know I'm making DB mistakes left and right in this post, just spinning a lot lately...
