In my defense, she was in touch with her OM (at least the one) for YEARS after their encounter, without me micromanaging her communications or crucifying her for it. The double standard does make me bristle so I try to not even think about it.
You either forgive her for her past behavior or you don't. Which one do you think will give you a better chance of turning things around?
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She wasn't asking me to go out on a date with her or anything --- she was just relaying an invitation from friends, and asking me what I wanted to do, as if she would be doing me a favor by going.
Do you want to go or do you not want to go. Make a decision and do that. If W wants to go she goes. If not, she doesn't.
Keep it simple.
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The last time I asked her to go out to see a movie or grab a bite, she got annoyed at me "trying" just like you'd expect from the DB theory here.
We advise not to initiate. We advise to be open to invites, but not to accept all.
I always tell posters to change their measuring stick. Do not use her emotional response as a measuring stick.
Measure this way: Did I do the right thing? Did I change my behavior in a positive way. Did I handle that sitch better. Did I control my anger?
This is a big onion to peel. You can't change her. You can only change the way you interact.
Ultimately it will take two people to save the relationship. Both people need time and space and make significant changes to themselves. You can focus on your personal growth or you can stay the same. Again, which do you think has better odds of turning things around?
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
