How long to try when it was (mostly) your fault?

[ovrrnbw]

Can't you block a number through our carrier? Change your number? There's got to be a way to show a sincere effort.

In my defense, she was in touch with her OM (at least the one) for YEARS after their encounter, without me micromanaging her communications or crucifying her for it. The double standard does make me bristle so I try to not even think about it.

Not to be argumentative, but her contacting her OM is only something horrible that she did. Everyone has to keep their side of the street clean. You understand the double standard though as I saw you posted how much it bothered you when you found out about her affairs.

I appreciate the comments, but the message of DBing, and some of the points made here, does seem inconsistent.

What parts?

I don't want her to "solidify" my relationship --- I'm waiting for a shred of evidence that she has any interest in our relationship before I do any more counterproductive pulling/trying/deciding.

That's what I meant by solidify. You waiting for her to show you something in order to decide where to go. You want her to say something like "why don't we go to the Smith's house together?" You want a baby step, some progress, right? Maybe she's doing that too. So when she asks about going to the Smith's just respond.

This is why detaching is encouraged, because it should be a relatively simple response, but our emotions cloud our minds. It's totally understandable too, but in order to grow and hopefully save your marriage you need to consider that this is a way to improve things. I think she is confused. She's sure about not wanting to have long or serious discussions with you, she's serious about not wanting your physical touch. But if she was serious about leaving you'd have papers and she wouldn't be discussing going to friend's with you. So "letting her go" in your case, at this time, means to detach. You should be GAL'ing.

She wasn't asking me to go out on a date with her or anything --- she was just relaying an invitation from friends, and asking me what I wanted to do, as if she would be doing me a favor by going. The last time I asked her to go out to see a movie or grab a bite, she got annoyed at me "trying" just like you'd expect from the DB theory here.

I feel your pain. In her mind, she doesn't want to touch or talk to you, right? OK, I can see why she might feel that way, given all that y'all have been through. You should try to understand it to. She stuck around for a while, then you contacted the OW again and she is under the impression that this is how it is going to be with you. So her going to friend's house and showing face with you does say something to her, you, and other people. It says "we are still a couple".

Your story is familiar. We have people here who are trying to save their marriages, who are hurting badly, and some have gone and jumped in bed with a stranger too. It's not right, but it does happen.