To answer your question about MLCers and counselors. Generally the MLCer may opt to see a counselor/therapist to appease the spouse. They go, they listen and then pick and choose the words that apply to how they feel and generally only go for a couple of sessions and then state that they aren't going any longer as they have chosen to only hear words that would help them justify why they feel the way they do and convince them that it is okay to separate/divorce.
My advice is not to push him on the counselor/therapist. In fact, step back and no more discussions about the relationship. The more you push, the more he's going to run. It is best to give him plenty of space and time. While he's figuring himself out, focus on you and your finances at the moment.
This is his journey to make. We, unfortunately, have not been invited on this particular journey as it is a journey of the past that must come full circle to the present. He was emotionally stunted at an early age and now needs to revisit that time in order to realize that it was not his fault that authority figures treated him the way that they did. You didn't break him, therefore, you can't fix him. He is the only one, w/the aid of the man upstairs, can fix himself.
Your journey has begun. It is a time for you to look within, if there are changes that you need to make for yourself, then do so. Don't make changes just to win him back. Those changes must become permanent. It is a time for you to rediscover you! It is a time to do the things that you have put on the back burner. It is a time to pull that list out of the things that you have not done or wish to do and go out there and do them. When your h sees that you are making great strides in living your life and are becoming a more confident and happier person, that is when he will notice and attempt to see if you will revert back to the person he thinks that you were. Don't take the bait...stay the course!
Dig deeper for patience, listen to what he has to say and do not offer up advice unless he asks for it. Keep the focus on you and allow the man upstairs to work on your h.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
