I do not understand why we encourage people to be masochists here. I do not know why we perpetuate abuse. Cheating is abuse. It will destroy you. He’s a cancer that you are not getting rid of. In fact, I know tons of people that are in these relationships that end up with cancer. I got diagnosed with it when I was pregnant and I see a connection between our health and the relationships we choose to be in.
Adult love is not unconditional. Stop letting him cake eat and kick him out. If he has to live with you for legal reasons, put his laundry in the garage.
You alone cannot save a marriage or create a partnership. It takes two invested people for it to work. It gets to the point where you have to learn to love yourself more and say no to disrespectful treatment. Loving yourself and not allowing someone to hurt and abuse you is more godly then continually allowing someone to disrespect you and your marriage in the name of religion. You deserve better. And there is better out there.
You can’t control him or his actions. Doing his laundry isn’t gonna make him realize what a wonderful person he’s giving up. Neither is being some light house “shining the way for him to return”.
What you can control is how you live your life. Living for you, and your health and learning when to let go. You have the choice to say “this isn’t good or healthy for me”.
Job- there aren’t many success stories on here. Most of our exes were abusers. Mine was an addict. I see more posters that contracted serious stds then that revived their marriages. My ex was a secret addict. Would have destroyed me even more financially had I saved our marriage. Or god knows what I could have contracted. And then there are the people that revive their marriages only to be back on here older because their spouse did it again. (Oops). And the walking on egg shells that goes with it isn’t right. It really isn’t. I have seen a lot of walking on eggshells shells from the posters that’s husbands come back. It’s heart breaking. I read the same posts.
I think the real test in all this is learning how to stand up for ourselves and earn back dignity and respect.
