Hoosjim's back... and maybe his WW, too (?)

[hoosjim]

Hey y'all,

For those who've followed my sitch from the beginning, you'll recall that one of the significant contributors to my MR degrading and falling apart, followed by an affair and near divorce, was my own ill health. I had a series of progressive and chronic conditions that literally almost killed me and was one of the things (financial trouble the other) that led me to an extreme degree of self-absorption and to me, in many ways, just giving up on a lot of things, my W and MR included. Those health problems were eventually unwound and solved, and I returned to a level of health probably better than at any time since my early 20s. (I am 53 currently). Unfortunately, the damage to my marriage was already done, and my wife and I almost did not make it through it. As youll recall, through a series of occurrences including my finding of the DB-ing resources (and for all of which I attribute a great degree of divine intervention) my wife and I managed to reconcile, and in just over 3 months time we will hit the two-year mark of that reconciliation process.

Now, however, I find myself in a quandary. I've been having increasing levels of back pain over the past 2 to 3 months, ultimately leading me to undergo a surgery (microdiscectomy) a week ago which, rightly or wrongly, I had come to believe would be relatively "minor" as such things go with a relatively short recovery time. Long story short, the surgery appears to be a failure, having made things worse, not better. (More pain, more numbness and tingling, and definite continued nerve impingement). Additionally, of course, I am now even more restricted because of a) the surgical wound and b) the fact that i now have an unhealed hole in my disc from the surgery that must be protected by not bending, twisting, or lifting anything over 10 pounds. So, I am borderline "worthless" right now... No sex, no helping with chores (touch and acts of service my W's two primary LLs ) no driving, and none of the other fun, physically active things I like to do. Best case scenario is that this is just somehow very short-term and I make a miraculous turnaround next week. Likely case to worst case, however, based on my prelim research is some level of additional surgical intervention which would be significantly more intrusive and keep me on the shelf much longer than this was supposed to have. (I see doctor on Tuesday and will know more).

Either way, as of right now, it looks like I'm going to be significantly physically limited for a period of weeks at least. Given that my physical transformation was such a significant component of my GAL-ing and 180-ing during DB-ing, this makes me nervous... As does the thought of my W again having to face a physically failing hoosjim... which was, as i noted, a significant component of the bad old days.

So I'm looking for input here, both practical from those who have experienced similar disability, as well as relationship-based, so that I don't fall into much of a rut, or get in a place where my health is impacting me too much, and/or impacting my MR.

Any thoughts on what I can do to: stay useful? Stay active? Stay romantically attached with wife? Not be a bummed out Grinch because I'm in pain, useless, and unromantic? Otherwise keep my MR "fun" during the time I am going through this?

I'm a different person now than I used to be, and much much much more well equipped emotionally and mentally to deal with this sort of crisis... But the specter of the past does concern me.

Prayer I got covered, but I certainly wouldn't mind others throwing in for me in that regard.

All thoughts welcome