...I'm wondering if his mother made him do chores, and I'm not saying this to be sarcastic. Can you tell us a little about his childhood? How was he in the early years of the M? ...
How was your sex life?...Was he intentionally going home late every night, or was he getting off his job at that time? When did he ever spend time with his children? He told you he would always be there for the kids, but is he there now? Am I being unfair?...
Why do you still love him? It sounds admirable to say you want to work on a M for the sake of your children, but one day those kids will be gone with their own lives, and it will be two strangers left at home. Then what? What's your plan?...
What are your personal boundaries, when it comes to how others treat you? What about boundaries for the marriage? If you discover your H is in another affair, what will influence you the most in deciding what you will do?...
Great questions, sandi2. Some I have no idea how to answer yet, but they give me a lot to think about.
First of all, his childhood..his mother passed away this year. She pretty much let him get away with a lot of things and did not make him to do a lot of chores. He is the youngest in his family (but so am I so no excuses there). His father was a poor role model - would come into the house while his mother worked her butt off with the 3 kids and would sit on the sofa watching tv and reading the paper. His father also has been divorced several times and is very moody; to this day, if he does not get his way, he will get in a rage, pack his things and leave the house without saying goodbye to anyone.
Sex life...as I stated earlier, I was just so exhausted from working full time and operating like a single mom (and having no real family support in the area where we live) that we ended up having a lot of quickies. The sex quality was pretty bad a lot of times and was not as frequent as he would have liked. I realize that was a real problem and I wanted to work on it, but I was so depressed, resentful and EXHAUSTED!!!
I love the old him, not the new him. I am also a very spiritual person and believe that our marriage was a covenant between me, him and God - not just between me and him. I took our vows very seriously and do not want to take this whole concept of divorce lightly by any means. Also, I would like to keep our family in tact if possible.
I set good boundaries outside my marriage and do not tolerate toxic behavior well. I have completely cut off contact with friends and family who were acting toxic. As to the other questions, I need to think more about them (e.g., what is my plan after kids leave? what are boundaries in my marriage?)
H and Me - Both 45; S13 and D9 BD - 11/2019 Married 14 years; Together 20 years
