I am going to suggest that you and your kids start doing things outside of the home, especially now that the holiday season is upon us. I would plan activities and then ask if he would like to tag along. If he says no, then go on and do those fun things and leave him home to mull over his mess. If he says yes, then go and have a good time.
You have to learn how to phrase your requests. You need to give him the option of doing something or not. The more you point the finger at him, the more he's going to the exact opposite. He will then look at you as his "mother figure" and not his wife/equal partner.
Trust me, the more you and the kids do things on your own and leave him alone, the more curious he will become and then he just may opt to start doing things again, especially w/the children. Try to remember, the more you push, the harder he is going to pull back from you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
