Divorce because I betrayed her trust - PART 6

[DaB35]

I wouldn't help or volunteer anything with these forms. Let her come to you, and rebuff what she can and should do herself. You're not "Do it all Dan" anymore mate.

I had thought this. I needed to put the mortgage info on the form as the bank's account is only in my name and only I have the log in details. Apart from that, I just sent it back to her and said "I've not submitted it." She isn't arguing or questioning why I've not sent it off.

Indeed, doesn't DB say that you should be giving the impression that your fine whether or not you have her? Read up on that thread about pursuit and distance.

You're right. I'm trying but it's hard to think that it comes across as uncaring, particularly when we haven't really spoken much for 3 months and haven't been in the same room as each other for the same length of time.

...but the point remains that you and I are willing to work, to look inward and challenge ourselves to our core. They, on the other hand, are fed up, done, exhausted, and walking. Actions not words and all that but, to your point, if they don't see the actions, will that change anything? Maybe not, and you and I both know that we are making ourselves better for ourselves, not them. So, worst case scenario is that we end up with other people who love us for who we are, who want to work 50/50 on the marriage. Meanwhile, our XWs are on to the next, probably wondering why things aren't perfect, didn't learn how to work through issues. Sounds petty but I sometimes have to remind myself "oh well, her loss"

I think the same too. I've done a lot of introspection and internal work. And maintained it. She hasn't. Definitely her loss - she only had to wait 6 months and to be honest things may have been wonderful and would be even better than they were. But she had no intention of working on it at the time: "I can't be bothered to put the effort in" were her words. I'll never forget that. So sad of her to say that.

Just had some emails from her this morning. We have an online form about the house to fill in for the estate agent. TONS of questions. I have no idea how to answer them. I've done a bare minimum of filling in and will just go back to W and say "Can't help on [xyz]."