Divorce because I betrayed her trust - PART 6

[crdcheck]

Feel a bit sad today. Feels final. The house is the last tie really. I don't know how I feel to be honest. Part of me is relieved it's over. Part of me is extremely sad that I've lost her and M and R. Part of me is angry at myself and her for allowing this to happen, and for not DBing earlier (though I hadn't heard about DBing til August, by which time W had already filed for D). Another part of me still is happy that I've improved a lot about myself in six months and that IC has addressed lots of issues.

I know exactly how you feel. You've done everything "right" and net/net you still don't feel good. What keeps me going is that I know that I felt bad for a day or two in November, same in Oct, and so on... and then I felt better. Every milestone (listing house, STBXW moving out, selling house, etc.) hit me, some more than others, some in unexpected ways. Then I went to sleep, went to work, GAL'd, and sort of forgot about it. But it definitely hurts in the moment.

Or does this not matter now - do I just do it, not be obstructive, just remain polite, and continue to GAL and just eventually get to a stage where - if we do meet up - she will see a changed, confident me and be left wondering what she has thrown away? Having said that, I do know that my changes are for ME not her. I get that.

This is what I have to remind myself, too. And your point about our W's throwing this away. I did far worse things than you but the point remains that you and I are willing to work, to look inward and challenge ourselves to our core. They, on the other hand, are fed up, done, exhausted, and walking. Actions not words and all that but, to your point, if they don't see the actions, will that change anything? Maybe not, and you and I both know that we are making ourselves better for ourselves, not them. So, worst case scenario is that we end up with other people who love us for who we are, who want to work 50/50 on the marriage. Meanwhile, our XWs are on to the next, probably wondering why things aren't perfect, didn't learn how to work through issues. Sounds petty but I sometimes have to remind myself "oh well, her loss"