Scout's QLC journey #2

[DnJ]

Hello scout

I’m still following along and saw your anger has risen quite a bit. Did the physical activity help with it? Sweating it out?

I'm wondering what to say if she asks how things are between me and H. The reality is that I don't speak to him unless required, he isn't allowed in my house, and I'm no longer hoping to reconcile. The last time we spoke, I told her I was standing for my marriage. How I can explain these new decisions?

These new decisions - I want you to think about them. “Think” about them, not feel about them.

Bond drop was June. Separation in July. OW confirmed in October. Months.

You have the gift of time. No need to rush decisions.

Do not make big decisions based mostly on feelings. You are justifiably angry and that influences your thoughts as well. Find indifference and things will look clearer. Then find your beliefs, your values, and alter those which you wish too. Base decisions upon beliefs.

The decision to stand down or not. Base it on beliefs, anything else will cause you grief.

To tell or discuss further details of the situation with spouse’s family is one we all struggle with. And you have plenty of poor behaviour from him you could share.

I feel that I shouldn't obfuscate the truth.

That is the point.

You feel you shouldn’t.

With your intellect, logic, and reason (keeping emotions out of it): Do you think you should tell? What do you think it will accomplish? Or hope to accomplish?

The bigger view point: Do you believe in telling?

But that feels disingenuous to my own integrity.

Feels.

Can you say - That is disingenuous to my own integrity.

I understand where and when you are. 6 month in, things are still stirred up a bit - even for someone so far along and doing so well as you.

Your integrity. That means something. Keeping your side of the street clean.

I believe integrity includes some compassionate confidence and some compassionate disclosure.

I feel I have the right to own and share my story as I see fit. Not to punish or condemn, but to stay true to myself.

You absolutely have the right to share or say what you will. You also have the right to choose not to. It is up to you to decide which right you will exercise. It’s impossible to un-share later if you realize it was an error.

I do realize you are not full of vengeance, and not trying to punish or condemn.

Staying true to yourself is a worthy goal. I just want you to ensure you know and believe in what you are doing. Things change a lot during this journey. Look at far you’ve come in six months. Imagine where you’ll be in six months from now.

Have faith. Keep moving forward. There is a time when feelings are not so involved. It’s rather peaceful.

DnJ