I hope you keep baking. That is certain a good activity. I know I did a lot.
It sounds like you settled into an unrewarding pattern. These situations help crystalize what is important to us as humans.
Haven't baked since I found out about the OW. It's only been 3 weeks.
I played a huge part in the unrewarding pattern. I was negative as you see and depressed. He was depressed too and says I am the cause of it. Says I caused him to drink. Caused him to avoid coming home. He avoided me and I got angry. He then used my anger to justify him leaving.
I just triggered and I think he's never coming back despite the part where it is fixable. He ran away and while he got rid of me he lost a lot too. He doesn't care of course. He's already got someone and I get some peace knowing that since he didn't spend time alone to heal he will likely repeat the same pattern because he is the same guy who works all the time and watches a gazillion hours of tv.
Without introspection and healing we will both end up in the exact same place. I've dated enough men to see this in hindsight. Even when I picked polar opposites the ending didn't change. He's dated other women like me so I'm nothing new. I would pick another emotionally unavailable man or worse a clingy one. He likes anxious women because I worshiped him but then he hated it because I wouldn't leave his feet.
