Counseling appt with W tomorrow. She texted me today:
- She no longer has time afterwards to discuss mediation and "several other things." "Maybe next week".
- She proposed dropping the kids off at my house rather late on Xmas day (mid-afternoon). I think late morning is appropriate.
Most importantly,
- She didn't realize she agreed to the 2-3-4-5 schedule. She thought I only wanted to add 2 days per month. She's "not okay" with my proposal and thinks it isn't "fair." This apparently was a text miscommunication... and of course she continues with text to try to communicate.
I told her "I do not want to continue this over text."
I am fully committed to DB as a way to conduct myself. 180s, PMA, detach, listen, validate.
But... I feel like I need to stop catering to my W under the label that I am "DB-ing". Stop going to C sessions under the guise of trying to be better co-parents. Stop tolerating a less-than-"fair in the eyes of the law" custody and financial situation. Stop dealing with her waiting until the last minute then peppering me with texts.
I feel like I need to go to C tomorrow and be firm and resolute. "We need to start mediation by X date. Our current arrangement, or small changes to it, is not longer acceptable to me. I agreed to this arrangement during our separation as a path for us to work on the MR."
Any thoughts on this are welcome.
The biggest 180 I can do in my life is to stop being conflict avoidant, stop trying to people please, and stop devaluing my self-worth. I have plenty of empathy for my W. That doesn't mean I need to put up a situation that doesn't work for me.
