MLC or Exit Afffair?

[HesAble]

We are both in our mid-40s. In the previous affair, DH slept with a coworker multiple times. I discovered it while snooping in his email. He did not want to seek counseling but I had DB consultations individually and was able to work through it alone to save our marriage. He did his part by working to try to regain my trust.

I make the most money, cover the benefits and d pay more of the household bills. I had the down payment for our home. A lot of his income goes to his small business and to student loans. There have been times when he was unable to contribute to the bills in a timely manner but he never discussed this with me. I would have to confront him to ask if he would be able to contribute. I would always just remind him to please let me know ahead of time if he had things come up so I could plan accordingly to pay things on my own like mortgage, power, phone, etc. Now I am realizing that we probably should have downgraded our lifestyle a notch (smaller home) to accommodate his loans, etc.. I also have credit card debt so our financial situation is not ideal which has been another strain on our marriage. We have a great household income but it goes mostly to bills.

I think he is having a MLC because he is acting out of character. He never stayed out all night before, for example. After the BD, he has stayed out several nights until the next day after 10 a.m. He works out like crazy and is obsessed with his appearance. He has lost 50+ pounds and still is trying to lose more. He is so skinny now. He talks about dyeing his hair, whitening his teeth, etc. Also he had a traumatic event this year when his mother passed away which probably got him thinking about how short life is. He started talking about how old we are getting all the time.