Please don't take this advice as anything you should do, because you are a great father with 3 kids who is more than capable of making his own decisions. But I want to show you the options you do have - or at least the ones I see here from behind a keyboard, looking at words on a screen.
Originally Posted by unchien
Do you want to sell the house?
I want a fair financial situation. I am indifferent about the house. I talk about selling the house b/c I think my W will not be able to afford the mortgage once we have a fair financial situation.
Option 1 - move back into the house. Inform W that you can no longer afford the finances of living separately. Option 2 - use MC to inform W that finances will not continue to support the current living arrangement/situation. Option 3 - engage W in a civil discussion about finances and finances only. Leave out all emotions and do not discuss the future or engage in any R, S, or D talks - keep it strictly business. Option 4 - search for an alternative home that is more affordable and inform W that finances will not allow you to keep the current arrangement. Consult with W on the best possible alternative for living arrangements with regards to the kids, their schools, schedules etc. Let W be involved in helping to make the decision.
(Again - I dont know your sit in real life, just throwing ideas out there.)
Originally Posted by Unchien
Do you want to continue going to counseling?
Hmmm... No. I want to go to mediation. However I worry my W may regress if we stop counseling.
Hmm...Regress to what? Has there been improvement? If things have calmed, would it be better to back off and wait for a while? Again - I dont know your financial sit and I don't want to know. Just something to think about if it is possible.
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Will pushing D forward help you or hurt you?
It will help me be on more stable footing financially. And I will feel more secure having a legal parenting plan in place.
It will hurt me in the sense my W will feel I wanted it. It will feel final. It's not ultimately what I want, although I feel I need to face reality here.
It will feel that way because it will be that way, unfortunately. I don't know what reality you have to face - that's totally your business and you should keep that to yourself anyway. But I would suggest a couple other options
Option 1 - finding another solution for rearranging finances, including selling the house. Including W in this would be recommended. Option 2 - talking to an accountant who specializes in separated couples who have not D yet. Option 3 - talking to a financial advisor to see if there are areas you can cut expenses now.
Originally Posted by Unchien
I guess that's my point here... I'd like to change the circumstances so that I could wait....
...I don't want a D. I want to work on the MR...
This is what you want, at the core of it. It sounds like "standing" to me, but again, I could be wrong.
