Trying my best....

[DaB35]

Hi Chaz, fellow UK-er here. Sorry to hear about your situation.

The worst thing you can do is mind-read. It will drive you mad. What's she saying to others about me? What's she thinking? Does she miss 'us'? Stop it. I know it's hard to stop it. You want her to be crying into her pillow and missing you. Don't go there. As others have said, focus on yourself.

Good that you started counselling. I started in May and have finished end November. It was amazing. It will change you for the better and help you analyse and understand things you do in a lot of detail. Take it seriously and you will get lots out of it.

You cannot control her. Don't try. I tried with my W - didn't work. We're getting to a house sale stage, and she just needs ot apply for the decree absolute in a few weeks. Just control you - improve your outlook on life. DO things - you must have a list of a couple of things you wanted to do but couldn't, not because your W forbid you to do them, but because 'life' got in the way. Do those things now. Take your time with them, enjoy them. Catch up with old mates, even if it's just texting here and there. Put in lots of extra effort at work. And stay off Facebook - or if you must go on, hide your spouse from your newsfeed. Post on there when you're having a good time occasionally, say once a fortnight.

Don't stay at home and feel sorry for yourself. But do allow yourself to feel - anger, pain, hurt, etc. But don't show your spouse if at all possible.

The advice on this forum for me has been amazing. My story is by no means over. You will get lots of advice here. Take it all and consider everything. If you're going to write a letter or email, or have an important conversation planned, run it by here first.