Originally Posted by Ready2Change

I second what LH said about waiting at least a year before even considering OLD. After my divorce was finalized, I intentionally did not use online dating. I enjoyed interacting with everyone. Some interactions lead to dates. One date lead to a now 9+ year relationship.

Enjoy being single. It will most likely be short.


Thanks my man. As always solid input from you and LH. I'm not going to force anything or move too fast.

Court date coming up right before Christmas and still no final settlement agreement with W. My L thinks we are pretty close but doubts we'll have it done before the holiday. At the moment the ball is in W's court as we have presented a proposed final agreement with no response yet. So it looks like things will carry over into the new year, hopefully not too far....

My interactions with W continue to be 100% business. Usually via text which works best for me. We did need to speak on the phone last week about a few pressing things with the kids, and W tried to expand the subject matter into other non-essential topics. Her already high baseline anxiety was going up as she started to repeat the same points over and over. When we were a couple I used to give her a long leash and listen to her say the same thing over and over because that's what she needed to help discharge her anxiety (although later in our M I grew weary of it, it just wore me down). Now I just cut her off and say I don't have the time to get into anything except "A" and "B" right now, that's what's pressing, we can talk about "C" through "Z" later. I'm simply not going to listen to the endless anxiety-ridden repetitive diatribe anymore, that will be for whatever new guy she brings into her life.

I will say that I do look forward to listening and validating in my future R's, I like letting women talk through their issues without me needing to "solve" the problem for them. I think it's kind of cute when they go through that process. I say that very respectfully. I had a huge smile on my face the last time a female friend did it to me over the phone a few weeks ago. When she was done, I could feel her relax even over the phone, and she then said "so, how are YOU?" It was awesome.

Since high school I had 3 longer-term girlfriends prior to W and plenty of short-term flings. What I learned before I even graduated college was that after a R of any length ends there will always be another great girl that will come along. All of my serious girlfriends, including W, just kind of fell into my lap more or less. I think if you focus on leading a full and fun-filled life, the women will just show up. Building a career, taking care of my financial, emotional, mental, spiritual and physical health has always paid enormous dividends, along with developing and maintaining close friendships, family connections, hobbies and interests. Some people don't want to put in the work, and what they get out of life will reflect what they put into it. Everyone on this forum is capable of being better, of putting in more effort and of building an incredible life, regardless of what happens with their M. Do the work and great things will come your way, you'll see.


H: 55 W:43
M: 8 T:12
S(11) D(8)
BD: 10/18 (ILYBINILWY)
IHS: 1/19
Physical Separation: 8/19
D FINAL: 6/21
W filed D: 4/19
Physical Separation 8/19