I need to tell someone what is happening. Only my therapist, my husband and me know. I am new to this board, but seven months in to this gift of a MLC. (sarcasm)
Been married 27 years, one D, 24. (away at Grad school)
For a few years my H has seemed distant. I would ask if he was ok, I even told him he didn't seem happy. He works long hours and has to travel. Because of the travel, I have always stepped up to keep the house running and to not complain while he was gone. He already was missing out on things so why make it worse?
Back in 2013, I had a health scare that required surgery. I was fine, but it was a scary time. Our D was nearing graduation and surgery just was an added event. At that time, I remember very distinctly his boss calling me to see how I was and commented that my H told him "he couldn't lose me" I thought to myself it was a weird comment, because my H was never very demonstrative.
Since 2013, we have had some fun times. However, if I had to pinpoint a "life event" that could have caused concern, our D graduated college and his uncle made a Will as he is nearing 80. My H is extremely close to him. My H began online gambling and bought lottery tickets daily. He would attend events, but was very standoffish. Funnily, before this happened, we began heading out to the beach on the weekends to spend time together.
earlier this year, I had to have surgery (all good) and surgery was a Friday, I was home Sat and he left Sun to go out of the country. He missed Easter and came back a week after. He was home two weeks and durning that time the BD happened. I reacted weird. I stepped away. I asked him once, what was he going to do, where would he live and I mentioned that we had so many plans for our future. He responded that I knew he wasn't happy and he "didn't want to be married anymore" A week later, he left the country for an absence of three months. No contact except to text for money. He has never asked for anymore and I get his paychecks and still pay the bills.
He posted on FB that he was in the city where he was going and I went through the people that liked it and a woman "hearted" the comment. I went to her profile and he had been posting how much he loved her a week before he left to be there. H is 56 she is 26. (NIIIICE)
So then I knew, H was off the deep end. My C suggested MLC and I figured that couldn't be because he didn't buy a sports car. While he was gone, I finished recovery and began getting a life. When he came back, he was pleasant but distant and has never slept in our room. He sleeps on the couch or our D's room. We have not had any conversations regarding our M since the BD. Most days he comes home and walks straight to D's room and shuts the door. He does not eat at the house. He showers in our bathroom connected to our master early in the AM then leaves. I can go DAYS without one word from him.
I have watched the relationship with OW go up and down like a junior HS kid. He does not know I know. I do get some pleasure out of watching this unfold with her. He apparently got engaged. She has two young kids. It looks as if she posts on IG and FB for men's attention. His parents got divorced when we were getting married. My C thinks his dad is NPD. My H has never been an emotional person. He still is not. He is friendly to neighbors and once when my sister came by, totally normal. Since this has been going on, we are total roommates. I do my thing and he is a hermit. I am happy he is home at night, but his ignoring me is brutal. I don't know if he is in replay, Withdrawal or Depression. He has gone to see her a few times, and each time, I don't think it turns our well. BUT he still goes.
I just had to post, it has been hard keeping this from everyone. Thanks
Last edited by job; 04/12/2006:57 PM. Reason: added space between paragraphs
