4 years pieced and still a work in progress!

[curtis7]

Curtis, how are things? I still need to read your sitch. I don't visit here enough to keep up with people. I apologize.

Hi Blu,

Thanks for asking. I’m going to post a lengthy update on my thread. Things are going okay, not much has changed for the better, same old limbo.

I did decide to send my W an email after reading a book about Plan A and Plan B for affairs. Some of you may know the book and author. I sent it the day after she once again spent the night with one of the OM. The email was my version of Plan A. It basically stated that I apologized for the part I played in leading up to the affairs. That I did not meet all of her most important emotional needs and that I am willing to avoid the mistakes I made in the past and create a new life for us. I asked and encouraged her to end the affairs so we can begin to move forward together.

I then stated that if chooses to join me, that I have needs to protect my own mental and physical health. Those needs are complete NO CONTACT with the affair partners and absolute HONESTY. I stated end your affairs and you’ll find me more than willing to work on any and all of our issues, including my own. I reminded her that love is a choice, forgiveness is possible, and trust can be rebuilt. I stated that it will take work and starts with a commitment from her. I assured her that I am NOT interested in judging or punishing her.

The email wrapped up with if this is not what you want, know that I will be incredibly hurt, but I’ll understand it’s time to move forward. I feel confident that in the end you will do the right thing. It’s your choice.

I included the quote below at the end:
“Fall in love with your best friend. Someone you can talk to about anything and know they’ll hold no judgement. Someone who knows the darkest parts of you and loves you anyway, that knows all your flaws and loves you not in spite of them but because of them. Not someone that you can’t live without, but someone that you don’t want to live without. Someone that you want to experience all of life’s ups and downs with. Someone who will hold your hand through the worst times of your life. When they see you at your worst, when you’re broken, and they don’t run away but help you put the pieces back together, that’s real love.”

W sent a text the next day saying she read my email, thanked me for it and stated she thinks she needs to read it a few more times. Over the next couple weeks I was the best version of myself the few times we interacted. I don’t know if the email helped or hurt my sitch. I felt it was appropriate so she knew my requirements for reconciliation. She’s on her own journey and at this point I don’t think it has much to do with me.

I also drafted a Plan B email which states why I need to avoid seeing or speaking with her, except for emergencies related to the kids, while the affairs continue. I don’t know that I will ever send it. I am becoming more ambivalent about the thought of R with her. The betrayal, lies, lack of remorse, loss of respect and love seem too daunting to overcome.

I hope you have time to read my entire sitch at some point.