Thank you guys so much for your input. She went to a 30 inpatient treatment center far away from here a week ago. She gets to call for 5 minutes each day and talk to our son. She sounds like a completely different person already, but I know better than to assume that's the new norm yet.
I agree with KML, there might be some bipolar stuff going on somewhere in her head that needs treatment.
As for giving her any money, I've stopped that entirely. I do however pay a couple of her bills directly. This is because we are in fact divorced, however I am not currently paying her spousal support. I stopped paying that when she moved in with the OM years ago. Now that she's not living with someone, the courts would expect me to maintain support or I'd get in trouble (should she ever decide to report me).
HaWho's suggestion might be the best compromise - "so long as you are clean/being treated (after rehab) you can stay here while you get on your feet." I could begin paying her spousal support again and insist she gets her own place. That might be my best move.
This would give her space to be her own person, allow her to continue treatment and prove to herself she can live a sober life (or not). If she shows that she can do that, then we can pick up reconciliation talks again from a more healthy mental and physical point (or not).
What do you guys think?
Me: 48 WW: 43 OM: 53 met 12/16 to 10/19 M: 18 T: 20 D20 S18 S9 BD 05/22/16 W asked for D 6/20/16 D final 1/9/17
