As those that read my thread know, not much happens in my sitch. The rollercoaster has long since slowed down to a gentle, though by no means comfortable hum. There is the occasional unexpected bump, and still no clear line of sight, but angry words are rarely thrown about and for the most part it is just, well, just ok. I recognise that he may. It make the best choices, sometimes those choices come from fear or distrust, but mostly, he is trying to do what he believes is right.
Today is one of those bumps. For the first time in 15 years I am officially unemployed. It’s a long story, but has to do with a legislative change which comes into effect next year which makes it harder for large companies to hire contractors earning high day rates. I’ve secured something for the first quarter next year but that doesn’t start until Jan and is only three months. After that, who knows. But it will be a buyers market and no way I’ll be earning as much. And because bad things come in pairs, our mortgage deal comes up in March, at which point I either try and get a new deal (tying us in for 2 years, go into a higher interest rate, or sell). My H msg today to say we needed to talk re the house saying otherwise I’ll automatically go to the higher rate (I pay the mortgage). I explained my sitch and said that although I don’t want to sell the house, I can’t see any other way around it. He said we’ll discuss after Christmas. I responded that it’s ok - the house is too big for three of us, he simply replied “I understand”.
There is so much quiet and restrained sadness in those words. My H who will rate at the moon over any slight, responds with “I understand”.
There are economic and intellectual reasons for selling. Plus, it would be a clean break instead of this dirty grey area we inhabit, so emotionally, it is the healthy thing to do. But it hurts. For the first time in a long time it is a tangible step closer to being divorced.
Did I handle this right? Should I have asked him what he wanted instead of stating that “I think we’re going to have to sell”? Did I escalate unnecessarily l...
Even after all this time I am still questioning and requestioning.
