In return she wrote back to me last week, underlining that she ‘can’t carry on anymore’ and ‘she doesn’t want to try’.
That's how she feels right now. Time will tell. You give up when you're ready to give up, not when someone else is.
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However, W sent me an email about how we spend Christmas and when I want to attend Mediation to start the process of disentanglement.
Let her figure out how she wants to do it. If she wants divorce, she can do the heavy lifting to get it going.
Are you OK with a mediator? Have you previously agreed to this?
Why did you go to the spare bedroom?
How bad were your cyclical arguments and how passionate were you guys at your best?
Thank you all for replying and giving me some food for thought. As mentioned i'm deeply engrossed with deploying and implementing my learning from DR. In answer to questions raised - I'm not really ok with Mediation as i see it as a means to pragmatically set out terms for separation and Divorce. Which in itself is fine, if i accept there is no other choice. Arguments weren't bad, the discontent wasn't addressed properly as i can see now instead the same cycles would appear. I went to the spare room, to be respectful of my WAS wishes to live separately under one roof. Neither of us can afford to move out on our own plus neither wanted to be misrepresented by leaving the family home/kids etc.
Having slept on your responses so far, caused me to revisit recent behaviours, correspondence etc. Whilst i agree and have said to my WAS, that our marriage in its current form is over. The cycles needed to stop. I believe i have the tools and the mindset to address my part and am returning behaviours that i hope my WAS found and find attractive that would set the course for a redefining, complete and loving M. Of course i swing from feelings of hopelesness to mild optimism - however since she wrote me what i call her 'Dear John' letter, i can see if i attach a belief that it is what she felt at the time, then the subsequent good days we have had together, as a family and on our own, alongside my change in demeanour - then am i right to feel bouyed by the upswing in her demeanour - or should i tread cautiously?
