Is there hope?

[Core]

Now, how are you going to find happiness? It sounds like you recognize the perils of using your MR status or your W's approval as a measuring stick of your happiness. You don't want that.

DB is all about becoming happy and healthy and whole. Tangentially, it just may save your MR. Or not.

Thank you U for the support! Didn't even realize it when I wrote it.

Venting session only here. This [bleep]. My parents almost went through the same thing when I was younger and they flipped it around so fast. One was told "the reason I married you was because I never thought you'd do this". The wandering one came back the next day and committed.

Here I am trying almost everything, though in short spurts. W reached out to me last night while sleeping. Maybe to help with our crying son or maybe to have the dreaded mediation chat. I think you're all right here with the action needed to recon. Stick to DB rules. My last chat with W probably just sped up the D, just solidified her opinion. On the plus side, I felt what I said was right in my heart, even if it pushes us to D. In her wayward and wandering state, there is no reasoning or logic. I accept that she is filled with negative feelings and while the wrong thing to do DB wise, I'm glad for the last time here that I told her I cared and that I'm promarriage despite the disgusting things she's said and done. Now with that out there, I harbor no more guilt. I listen to you all here, I live for me and my kids. I was no saint but I'm not what she says. She really only drew reasons for D from about 12-15 chats/issues/fights in the past. After 9 years being together thats no reason for D. They don't add up. Those things should've been forgiven versus turned in to resentment.

I'm telling myself I've got NGS pretty badly here. You know what though, I thought thats how a dad operates. Self sacrifice, putting his family first. Feeling his wifes feelings. Letting go of his edge and being a family man. I'm still going to tackle some sides of NGS but really they arent bad. I've had multiple women in the past few months tell me I seemed confident, and am attractive and thats not from me pulling compliments from them. Maybe I'm beating myself up too much and really my wife was too jaded, hurt, resentful to see what others see. Onward to my plan and continued self improvement.