Gerda Finally Sees the Broken Fragments

[Gerda]

Thank you, Everyone! Lots to think about.

Gosh, Own, I wish YOU were my lawyer!

I will write more later after I have done a little more research and thought about all your advice. But I wanted to tell you that I am positive we have another judge if we go to trial, my judge told us that. I have the worst judge in the system, so while I might get another bad judge, I cannot get a worse one. And I am pretty sure that ANY other judge would care more about kids than this one, as this one does not care about kids at all, has never asked about them or considered the effect of anything on them including H's constant threats to move back in or H not paying any child support.

I am not emotional in court. I am no contact with H except for texts about picking up D10. He still sends me long texts but I don't reply except with a few words confirming times, etc. He is blocked from my e-mail. I usually keep my head in a book. I was a little fiery last court time if you recall -- I had a moment of telling H he was selling our kids and he ran out of the court room and I almost got into an altercation with H's lawyer because I did not back down when he came at me threateningly. That was the only time I showed emotion. Usually I just stay with my head in a book and listen to what I need to hear and block out the rest.

You are right that he will use what he knows I want -- he knows very well that the one thing I will avoid at all costs is him moving back in. So he uses that constantly and it is the reason I signed the deal last time. He also threatened that all day on Dec 1 when he thought I was late with the payment for that day (I wasn't). I finally texted him I would be blocking him from texts if he ever did that again and that was it for the day.

I don't think I could go pro se. I am too weary in the ol' soul.

About this other house -- this is one of my businesses, it is a rental business but we go there a lot as it started out as a family place. So I want to keep it also for financial reasons. But if my city place gets sold, we will lose so much in taxes and other costs, plus splitting it and paying off all debts at once, that I will not be able to afford to buy anything in the city. I would rent a teeny place in the city and live at the other place on school holidays and rent it out the rest of the time. And I am a little worried if it goes on the market it could actually go for more than the appraisal price. So it's not actually all emotional. I would say 50% emotional and 50% finance-savvy. But I am okay with losing everything as long as I have my kids. I know I can make something new with them. I just think it's worth a shot since H is fighting tooth and nail no matter how much I compromise, there is not really any point in surrendering it as I would have to wait anyway while he plays the market, he won't take a straight buy out and wants to pull my strings for as long as he can.

I think my L is whipped and tired. I think he also needs a shot in the arse to think I am ready to go to trial in order to start fighting a little harder. He does not want to go to trial but I don't think it's because of me. I have caught him lying a couple times about the odds. Today he said the new judge would force a sale with out a trial, and I said, "No, I have a right to a trial, and he said, Yeah, I mean, after a trial. He just caves all the time -- it's funny, I was thinking today that it's like me with H with all the enabling I did all these years. He would push and push and I would give in to keep the peace, no matter how unfair. When I stopped giving him money, one of the things I did to keep the family together, he filed and used it all against me. NOTE TO NEWBIES -- NEVER EVER EVER GIVE THE MLCer MONEY TO KEEP THE FAMILY TOGETHER! But sometimes I feel like my L is the L version of me and H's L is the L version of him, and they have the same exact dynamic of mine caving into the bullying to avoid further conflict!