Pax, did you ever read about the Stockdale Paradox? He was a POW and survived years of torture and captivity. In explaining how he survived, the following emerges: you have to have faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties, and at the same time, must confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be. The optimists in the camp, the ones who were sure they would be out in a month or two or whatever, didn't make it out. Don't give yourself a timeline you don't control and don't minimize the obstacles that you have in front of you.
The reality is, that you will get through this last part of the process. You are not in control of how long it will take, but it will end. You will have a beautiful life when it is over. You are making the choice for how you want to handle your dog. You are going to do that with eyes wide open of what you need to resolve and how you will handle enforcement down the road. None of this needs to be decided today.
In addition to recognizing the truths of the Stockdale Paradox, consider exercise as a means to combat the anxiety. It will also help with the weight. I'm surprised that people said something to you about it, but it was likely out of kindness and concern. Remember too that when it comes to the scale, that diet is significantly more important than exercise. I was morbidly obese and no one, except OD, ever said anything about my weight. I think had people expressed concern earlier, I might have done something earlier. Instead it was OD criticizing and it turned into a control thing. All problems are easiest if we handle them when they are small. Do your own evaluation and consult your doctor. Are you overweight? Is it a health concern? Does it bother you? If you answer yes to those, then do something about it, but don't stress more over whether to do something about it.
I'm sorry about your friend's dog and I'm sure it pulls you back to your situation, but none of us have any certainties in this life. We all have obstacles and challenges that we have to get around, over and through.
You are resilient Pax, you just need to remember that. You have stood up to him and won some important battles in this war and those will come to fruition when you get to the trial. Instead of slogging through this last part, start looking at it as preparing for the day it is over. Put your energy into the future, and not the past.
