My plan was to leave it alone for a week and see if she brings it up. If she doesn't then I'll respond to MIL with "thank you for the invite but I won't be able to make it."
I think I can go to Christmas dinner with no expectations but I'm not sure I really want to unless I know where my W stands. I just don't have an interest in playing family if we aren't a family.
Originally Posted by jac12
Unchien - curious as to why you think it's passive aggressive? I just don't want to jump the gun. The week was just to allow my thoughts to gather and to see if my W brings it up.
Do you suggest I bring it up? Honestly I find it strange that I was invited in the first place.
Hi jac ~
Sorry, I misread. If you intend to say no, it would be passive-aggressive to wait a week.
If you need time to think about what you want to do, do that. That is entirely understandable.
I do think it's a little problematic to have your decision contingent on where your W stands. It adds pressure. It demonstrates you are not detached. From her perspective, it may come across as controlling if you initiate an R talk.
Originally Posted by jac12
I think I can go to Christmas dinner with no expectations but I'm not sure I really want to unless I know where my W stands. I just don't have an interest in playing family if we aren't a family.
Re-read the above. You do have expectations if you go.
Personally I don't take a hard-line stance against family events, *provided that* there are no expectations.
Your stance seems to be "I will go, provided that you are open to R". This can only be experienced by her as pressure and may drive her away. So I suggest you do what you want. If you want to wait a few days to think about it, that's fine. I just suggest you don't initiate an R talk if and when your W reaches out to you... let her do the initiating.
