Ovr - He does not want the same things out of MC - he says he wants to go for 'closure' and for us to grow as people. Which, I can do on my own in IC. I do think he listens, and the last MC was in my eyes pretty productive in that he was impressed with what I talked about and what he said helped me have a deeper understanding of what's going on.
I do still love him, but am tired of feeling like I have no control over stuff happening in my life. I know I need to reframe this being patient as control/choice.
AS - it is definitely hard for me to accept, because when we do hang out, he expresses having fun and wanting to hang out more, and then doesn't. Thursday he waited at the house specifically for me to get home so we could ride together somewhere (his idea). I know he is confused/doesn't know what he wants, and it's hard to not read in to stuff. That is a good idea re: notifications. I am concerned that the house key/moving stuff is seen as being impatient or manipulative.
When I ask him about doing something, and he gives a non-answer, I always say if it's a 'no' it's OK and just let me know, and I always get the answer of "that's not it." But, it effectively IS a no because nothing happens, except in this case it gives me hope that it isn't and that he is considering it. He's done that with bday stuff, date stuff, and essentially this entire separation as well. I understand the first step to being less frustrated with this is to not ask/bring it up. He has my number/knows where I live if he wants to see me and hang out. He expresses 'wanting to be friends,' but then ignores me on basic stuff.
FS - I love having the dogs. One of the dogs was his before M, and the other we got as a wedding present, and they are attached to each other. Since H stays with his mom when he's in town, he could keep them, but he knows I miss them (and that they miss me). He has been overly considerate about the dogs (making sure it isn't an imposition on me or that I'm not too busy to watch them), and I think seeing that versus how uncaring he acts about everything else is what makes it hard for me. When H is out of town, he has the dogs. It's just a weird shift - H is supposed to deploy next year, so I'd be watching the dogs alone for months anyhow. I don't think he uses the dogs as any kind of excuse to contact me - I think he feels bad for taking my family away. I think he does miss our life - I suspect that's why he read all of my birthday cards on the fridge.
