Hi Ovr! You are such a valuable member of this community. I appreciate the advice you give to others. I am glad you post to me as well. I can relate to what you say about balancing instinct vs intellect. As hard as this M has been for the last 5-6 years, I do think in a lot of ways it has made me a stronger person. Hopefully a better person too. If I reflect back on my pre-BD self, I was definitely more rigid in the way I thought about things and my Rs. I was also more impatient and controlling in my M. I have let some of that go and am more willing to look at my part in things. I like to think there is a silver lining in overcoming all of this, because if not, I am left wondering, "why didn't I just move on and not let him back in?"

Your W sounds like she was quite the stud. Softball is blowing up and gaining a lot of popularity. My youngest plays competitive soccer and just made a competitive softball team too. Softball has been a much bigger commitment than soccer! So now I will have 2 softball players and 1 that is also balancing soccer. Fortunately, the older made a change to a team with much less travel and a less demanding schedule. .... I also wish that my parents let me play competitive sports, or any sports for that matter, when I was growing up. I see sooo many positive benefits for my kids, it's amazing. They are growing into strong, confident, well rounded individuals. They are also learning that they can work well in a group, enjoy the rewards of benefiting from their hard work, and also handle losing and disappointments. I spend so many hours in the car with my teen and we talk about everything. I feel so lucky to have that R with her. ... I also need to recognize that I cannot project my own feelings of loss in my childhood onto them and push them too hard.

I can talk about my kids sports much more readily than marriage and M saving advice!

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela