SamCal - I haven't read your whole sitch, just the last few posts and I can see you're getting good advice from the others here. But I do have some insight into the dog situation.
We have a dog. A beautiful cockapoo that my H and the kids wanted when we moved into our dream house. I wasn't totally thrilled because my H is away a lot and the kids were little. On some level, it was just one more thing for me to have to look after. But I agreed anyway and tbh, our dog is adorable. After he left whenever he came round he would make a big fuss over her then look at me and say "have you been feeding her/walking her". It made me feel awful - like I was a none person. An inconvenient babysitter / dog sitter.
But animals are easy. They never demand anything. There is no pressure. It wasn't the he loved our dog more than me. It wasn't that he missed our dog more than me. It was just that dogs don't apply pressure or make them feel guilty. Dogs just love. You see, my H wasn't ready to leave 'us' just yet, and by us, I mean the whole kit and caboodle - the house, the kids, the family, the dog, the Sunday roasts, the late night cups of tea - but he wasn't sure he wanted to come back. So, by showing our dog affection, he could have that without getting my hopes up. The dog provides him with comfort without asking for anything. Watch a child cuddling a teddy when they are feeling confused/sad/threatened. That is your H with your dog.
What do you do? That's really up to you. Like children, family pets are not pawns.
