H texted yesterday saying he is staying in town until our MC appointment and asked a million questions about the dogs, but said nothing about hanging out or seeing me.
I know this is hard to accept, but he doesn't want to hang out with you or see you. That's your reality right now. He may very well want to down the road, but for now he doesn't. And you have got to accept it and respect it. Leave him alone, that's what he wants.
Quote
This is frustrating. I did end up telling him about the phone bill via text since he will have time to do whatever he needs to do tomorrow. I got some sob story (again) about money, before I said this. I said that his financial decisions are his choice, and no one made those choices but him, and that he also made choices for me financially by leaving, and that I am not willing to continue to pay his bills during this time. He said OK and I am taking his phone off of my bill today. He has a work phone, so not supremely detrimental to him.
GOOD. You should give him no quarter on this. He shows up with a new car and new clothes and then lays a sob story on you about how he can't afford a joint bill? No, that shouldn't fly with you.
Quote
One of H's bosses is one of my close friends (this is how we met and he's actually who married us). He's in a strange position in all of this, but I do know he spoke to H yesterday about how everyone (including a bunch of people at work) is in limbo and how he needs to decide something, even if it is him being 100% sure that he isn't sure what he wants.
Like Ovr said, don't talk to him about the R. Don't talk to ANY mutual friends/ family about it. If he asks then just say you're taking time to yourself to decide what you want and leave it at that.
Quote
This morning I did text saying I wasn't certain about going to MC right now, as I don't feel he cares about what I have to say/my feelings, and that his actions (or lackthereof) have spoken more than anything he can say in counseling, but I did say I am still willing to go and that I do have things to say and want to listen to him, too.
He will probably feel like you are attacking him with comments like that. Make it about you and not him. "I don't feel we should be going to MC right now." Then if he asks why, "I feel like I need some time and space to sort things out, and the MC isn't helping me with this."
Quote
I am frustrated at myself because every time I have texted him yesterday and this morning I have regretted it.
I'm like that as well, I find myself pounding out a reply and sending it when I should be taking some time to think about it. Something I tried that helped was turning off text notifications for XW after BD. So if she sent something I didn't know until I bothered to check later. I would only check when I was calm, and that allowed me to respond with a cooler head.
Quote
How patient should I be? Part of me wants to ask for the house key back, since he doesn't live nor stay here, and also want him to move the rest of his stuff out if he's so done.
In my opinion those are two unrelated things. You can be patient with him while also asking for the key back and for him to get his stuff. Your potential recon is months or maybe years away, so you can be patient about that while also taking action to insulate yourself from him.
