You're building up the bday drinks and hanging out to a level where it shouldn't be right now. You're in a tough martial situation, so I think you should drop the expectations and not let this get to you.
In regards to H's boss, I would not confide in him. He is in awkward position. If he asks, keep things rather generic.
Let your H be the one to bring up MC. I don't like the text about you not being certain. Be decisive. It sounds like you want to work on your marriage. If your H wants the same things then go to MC. Your H can probably tell you how there were times the he felt like you didn't care about his feelings and that your actions spoke for themselves.
If you love him, patience is required, especially right now. I would slow down on most of the things you're worried about and just try to realize what is important.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
