More R talks this morning She asked about the house idea again, said it may be best for the kids but we might find it difficult if we had new partners in the future.
I said I wasn't sure yet. While it may be great for the kids, I wasnt where she is in this process. I asked her wouldn't you find it difficult if I was with someone new. She said she would find it difficult but easier if it was a serious relationship and not a bunch of one night stands. I just said I kinda understood that.
She said she didn't know what I wanted, that I hadn't lost anything, she would still be in my life. That we were more intimate now being able to talk than we had in ages. She then went on to say if it was just sex then I should have sex with somebody else. She then said she occasionally has those thoughts about me but that it hadn't worked during the relationship. I said I didn't want to go backwards. She reiterated that she just needs to be alone.
I didn't respond to this, then " it's a process going through this, let's keep this for family therapy" She went on to say it wasn't fair that I was holding on, that she felt like she had to keep breaking up with me and that she knew how I felt being dumped, and she knew it was a process.
We shelved it there and got on with work, things were a bit friendlier When I left, she stopped came back to the door and said "j, thank you for this week, it means a lot" Me " I never doubted you"
I left to see IC , and am now back at the flat.its actually a huge relief to be in my own space and my own headspace.
I kind of wished I'd said to her when she asked me what I wanted that I wanted to live, have adventures and fun and laughter and that I wanted to share that with her.
Hollywood thinking but better than her thinking I just want sex
