Shame and devastation4

[BenB]

J, I´m no expert here but all I can say is the best thing you can do is to get started right away! You need to become the best person you can ever be for yourself! Mentally and physically.

In the beginning of my sitch I immediately decided to work out smarter(not harder) than I ever had before, eating healthier than I ever had, I read all the books recommended here and then some, listened to podcasts on how to grow as a person and on building relationships, put together budgets on what I can spend and how I could save and hopefully earn more. I made clear goals on where I wanted to be in a year. I did all this while experiencing anxiety, anger, sadness and frustration but I couldn´t stop because the alternative frightened me.

I realized with the help of this forum that I can´t control the outcome here, I can only control myself. I felt like laying in bed crying and eating junk food all day. But I knew the sadness I felt would be nothing compared to how I´d feel if my W and I ended up divorcing and she sees me months or years later looking like a slob.

In the beginning that was what motivated me, that she sees me one day and thinks to herself "what was I thinking letting a man like that out of my life" but after a few months of seeing my transformation and realizing that I´m doing this for me now, no longer for her or anyone else, that feeling is what motivates me each day.

And no, don´t ever tell them you let them go. Actions, not words, always! Stop the pursuit, it took me too long to get that through my head.