Thanks for posting on my thread. I’m sorry you are here. I know how much it truly svcks. Your sitch is a real bummer, but not a unique one. The longer we read the forums, the easier it becomes to spot patterns and repeating themes. It’s just different people involved. I live in a very diverse area and have several LGBTQ friends, and I think the dynamics of infidelity are quite similar in all types of relationships. I say that because I don't like to gender stereotype, but there are some differences. I do notice that two women in a romantic R tend to develop intense emotional connections faster than other types of Rs. Also I think that those same Rs can be more of a challenge to end or walk away from. I’m not sure how much that matters, but it sounds like your WW is deeply connected to her OW, and that most likely is separate from her feelings for you. Her feelings for you both are not inversely proportional.
I am sorry to write this next part but I want you to really take this in: there is nothing you can do to change her feelings, break them apart or steal/win her back. I got caught up in those games myself and it simply won't work. I also tried to convince myself that I wasn't doing that and that I was letting go, detaching, etc, but I wasn't. I don't think you are either.
I have read most of this thread, but not your first thread. I’m reading that you and your posters focusing a lot on the intentions of the WS (ie they are simply confused vs being manipulative, they are cake eating vs can't make up their mind, they are a psychotic sociopath vs a lost and loving soul, etc, etc). I would like to challenge all of you on your thinking and say that none of it matters. You are all doing this because the more you can come to understand your WS/WAS, the more sympathy you have for them and therefore the more you can allow their mistreatment of you in the guise that they are somehow still connected. to you. I am sorry but this doesn't work.
You can never know with 100% certainty what they are thinking, wanting, what their "true" intentions are, and ultimately what will happen in the future. It is impossible. Why? 1. Because mind reading never works and 2. They don't actually know themselves. Just like you, theyre constantly in a whirlwind of emotions, confused, and changing. So trying to figure this out only hurts you and it also holds you back from putting your energy into what you can control. You can control how you live your own life without them moving forward. A lot of people try and convince us they are doing that, only to post the next week they are just waiting in the wings for any table scraps. Then they read into said table scraps and attribute meaning to suit their own narrative. Stop doing that.
Kristin, I am going to be hard on you, and I am sorry for that but I want to help you. You sound a little pathetic. Do you feel that way? Is this the woman your W was initially attracted to? She is actively engaged in an ongoing A and breaking your heart and you are just waiting around for any little bit of attention or interest from her. That cannot feel very good. Does it? You see a big part, the only part, of dropping the rope, going dark and letting them be, is NOT TO PLAY GAMES AND WIN THEM BACK, but it is for you. For your own SELF PRESERVATION. Because you value yourself and only give your heart to people that know how to treat you. If you cannot do that, then you only attract people that walk all over you and don't respect you. She will continue to treat you this way until you start treating yourself better and find your own worth. How do you deserve to be treated?
My strong advise is to do a 180 on her. Drop the rope. Go dark. If she wants to text, call, beg, kick scream cry, promise to end it with OW, then fine. She can do whatever she wants, that is her problem. But take a good 3-6 months and take care of yourself, GAL like crazy, and find your own value again. You can simply tell her that you have decided you need time to think and to please give you space. Then you stick to your words. It won't be easy, but your only other alternative is to accept that your W is a cheater, loves OW and will come and go as she pleases. Right now you are teaching her that that is okay with you. If it's not, then you need to make big changes. You can do this.
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
