Friends: Season 3--Expanding and thriving

[Briget]

Hi my Friends.

I'm having a hard time putting into words my true feelings about the ow.

Part of it is because I'm still in the bleeding stage of this whole sitch.

I can not look at this objectively yet.maybe when the bleeding has stopped.

I know I'm a forgiving person by nature.I just can see me forgiving her yet.

But then again when I got on this board I couldn't imagine me holding my temper. Or holding a job for that matter.I was scared and angry. I did not have control of my temper. I suprised a lot of people.Maybe I will suprise them again one day by forgiving her.But right now that is the farthest thing from my mind.I'm still at the paint a Scarlet letter on her forhead and drag her through the streets stage.However I do have less dreams about doing that.So maybe I will have progress someday.

I'm moving on. I 'm working on getting the images of them together out of my mind.I still have to thought stop on a daily basis.

Every time I think about her or talk about her I feel like I'm picking that scab again.(gross)

I'm still healing but I think I'm a slow healer.

I can truley say I hate her.But I try not to think of her. I will not do anything to her (no matter what i feel) I will let Karma take care of that.

I try not to judge what others in this sitch have done.I have no right to judge what anyone here has done.I'm only judgmental in my own sitch.

I know that in my sitch she knew we had five children,that we had just bought a house.

I have needs right now and it would be very easy for me to get them filled outside of my marriage.I'm hit on on a daily basis. And even if I did decide to fill my needs outside of my marriage I would never choose a married man.

I'm going to stay off of this subject for now.I'm afraid I will undo all the work I have done to heal by picking at my scabs.(gross)

I love you all very much for letting me vent my feelings even if it isn't the right thing to feel.

I'm doing so good I don't want to undo all the work I have done to heal.

Later Friends.
Briget