Well it is coming up on that time again. BD anniversary date. 12/23 will be two years since BD. It amazes me the amount of anxiety that date can still drum up.
What IS it about the 23rd of the month? I not one, not two, not three, but FOUR significant blow ups/shoot-downs/crises/setbacks concerning my sitch and my WW that happened on the 23rd of the month. Including the initial BD. All within the first 8 months, IIRC. And then the final blow-up after months of work when everything seemed to come crashing down (as I thought) for good? Also on the 23rd, though that was after several months of being lulled into complacency.
Down with the the 23rd!!!!
(Glad to hear you are doing well, man, and hope you and the W have a Merry Christmas and many Happy New Years to come!)
Last edited by hoosjim; 12/03/1910:21 PM.
H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18
"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7
"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3
Hey Steve, Esther Perel talks a lot about the value of rituals to symbolize closing out a phase of life, like she had a couple rake dead leaves and burn the pile to symbolize getting rid of the dead pages of their R. Maybe a little cheesy but I wonder if you guys could plan something for that day-- even just planning to have a romantic evening together, dinner and a hotel or something else that you could look forward to that could turn the day from a negative into a positive? (Also, does she even remember that the 23rd was BD day?) I really appreciate your postings both on your own situation and all you have given to others, including your insight on my sitch-- just want to say thank you and I'm thinking of you!
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
Steve, wow I didn't remember that she BD'd you two days before Christmas, how thoughtful was that? Incredible! Hopefully the anxiety will pass but it's certainly understandable. My grandfather took his life right before Christmas when I was a kid and it was many, many years before I could make it through Christmas again without feeling terrible grief.
In her defense, I initiated BD. I had found her FB messenger messages to OM. I was too impulsive and confronted her. I wish I had just watched and monitored. But yes Christmas was terrible that year, and I am hoping my anxiety over the 23rd is less this year than last.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Well it is coming up on that time again. BD anniversary date. 12/23 will be two years since BD. It amazes me the amount of anxiety that date can still drum up.
What IS it about the 23rd of the month? I not one, not two, not three, but FOUR significant blow ups/shoot-downs/crises/setbacks concerning my sitch and my WW that happened on the 23rd of the month. Including the initial BD. All within the first 8 months, IIRC. And then the final blow-up after months of work when everything seemed to come crashing down (as I thought) for good? Also on the 23rd, though that was after several months of being lulled into complacency.
Down with the the 23rd!!!!
(Glad to hear you are doing well, man, and hope you and the W have a Merry Christmas and many Happy New Years to come!)
LOL....well I am sure it is just a coincidence. Though your post did make me think of the Jim Carrey movie "The Number 23".
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Hey Steve, Esther Perel talks a lot about the value of rituals to symbolize closing out a phase of life, like she had a couple rake dead leaves and burn the pile to symbolize getting rid of the dead pages of their R. Maybe a little cheesy but I wonder if you guys could plan something for that day-- even just planning to have a romantic evening together, dinner and a hotel or something else that you could look forward to that could turn the day from a negative into a positive? (Also, does she even remember that the 23rd was BD day?) I really appreciate your postings both on your own situation and all you have given to others, including your insight on my sitch-- just want to say thank you and I'm thinking of you!
Interesting idea. Though my W would have no idea that the 23rd is the anniversary of BD. At the time she would have seen it as "Liberation Day". And in her defense, I was a pretty crappy H on that day. My sitch was unique in that I caught the EA fairly early, and confronted, bringing about BD. I think had I not done that then she would have eventually BD'd me. and probably within weeks. In fact, in Dec. of 2016 (a year before BD) she said that she thought we should never have been married. I blew it off at the time, but I now look back and see how that was probably near the beginning of her becoming a WW and a WAW. The vets here and most other experts will tell you that the thought process started a long time prior, and sometimes up to 2 years before BD. I can certainly see the progression for her looking back. Maybe this year I should do something myself to "kill" the day moving forward. Thanks for the suggestion!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Both you are so valuable. I understand the concept of giving back/paying forward and the two of you do most admirably. R2C I have bought and read several of the books you recommend re the "cat/squirrel" thing and that behavior is second nature to me. I am an expert flirter and seductress; too bad those qualities got lost in my M. I'm also a strong woman who doesn't need a man, but wants my particular one.
Steve: sorry for the threadjack. I agree with you re SM. Over 20 years ago I got caught up in an EA that started online. They are horribly addictive and seductive at the time; 20 years later it just seems stupid. Thankfully I got over it and didn't blow up my marriage although considered it at the time.
