So Pax, I think I know your state and you confirmed it with the law thing, so some food for thought.
No matter how this works out, you are giving it serious thought and consideration. You are digging in to decide how important this is to you. I hope that you did not cry because of what I wrote, but if you did, I think it was a good cry to help you reach your feelings about this.
But, I will say, that people are either capable of loving animals or they aren't. It is more about you than the animal. If you love this dog this much, you would love another as much or more, especially if not tied to an exceedingly unpleasant person and a likelihood of ongoing battles, keeping him in your life, and likely huge financial issues (I can see him taking you to court over and over about this dog). That said, this is your decision and you have to do what you believe in.
The law says that interim orders affecting the dog are not to have any impact on the final determination. I'm not sure why you have been doing all the work to take and pick up the dog. Seems he should be sharing in this. So I would at least bargain for that. Just as parents of children can't up and move, he should not be able to up and move with your dog. It doesn't mean he won't, he probably will, because he absolutely uses this dog to hurt you over and over again. This is why I can see you ending up in court over the care, housing, and maintenance of this dog moving forward.
I understand what Job is saying and the way to beat a narcissist is to make them feel like they won. I don't think that using the abortion as leverage will achieve that trick though. I think for a normal human who experiences shame, it might. But that is not your guy. I think it will enrage him and make him out for more blood than he already is. If there is something else that you can give him that he does value (whether a thing or money) that you do not value as much, I would do it. Even if it was a lot of money. I think he will sue you over and over about this dog. Narcissists love court. Its why they don't settle. They also like filing actions after seeming finality. So whatever it costs you to have a final decision now that you can live with. I would try to get there.
At any rate, your final orders concerning this dog should address as much as possible, leaving as little as possible open to interpretation. You know he will claim that this is his emotional support dog and he needs it more. Just be armed with materials that show how this emotional support thing has been over done and be ready to point out that even if he needs a dog full-time, he doesn't need your dog full-time, and that is a bigger reason to give you the dog, since he can't share it.
Make sure you cover not only who pays for food/vets--regular and special (teeth), diseases, chemo, etc. Who makes end-of-life decisions about the dog. What the visitation schedule is, how much variance from the allotted time (at least 30 minutes I would say), who picks up/drops off. Who makes the call on vet appointments, immunizations, etc. (this guy doesn't cooperate with you, you don't want to have to work it out). Who picks the food the dog eats. Does it have to be the same food both places. What kinds of collars, leashes. Can the dog be around other animals, etc. Also what about relocation, voluntary or involuntary. You may want to talk about having a special master appointed (like a mediator) who makes the call when you guys can't agree. Something that limits the judicial review. Like you can each give a one page statement to the mediator on your position and the mediator makes the call kind of thing. Also, try to get a loser pays attorney fees provision added so that he has less incentive to sue you for stupid things.
I can't stress enough that because this dog is going to be the way he gets to you, you need to plan ahead. Also remember, whatever decision you make, it is your decision and you had the power. You are not his victim and whether you keep the dog or not, he has not beaten you if you are doing what is best for you.
