What a perfect post given what I sent you privately earlier today!
My W's OP said I was his friend and actually encouraged me to be more of his friend at the same time he was sending love notes to my W. To some extent, it's the Bill Clinton compartmentalization of his life that OM was succcessfully engaged in--and it's no coincidence that the OM is a politician. To be viewed as a homewrecker would destroy his self-image, which is why he and our WAS's focus so much on the "natural" course of events as opposed to making a conscious decision on how to act in our lives.
But the truth is, as humans, we are vulnerable--and the same way our spouses fell into another R, we too can fall into destructive anger.
I can only talk about my expereince, but the anger I feel towards OM--and thetimes I have acted on it, have been far more destructive to me than to the OM. It certainly hasn't hurt OM and definitely has not helped my M. I wrote to my W on this issue this morning--that the best way to fight the devil is with love. Does this mean I'm going to invite OM into my bedroom (assuming he has not been there already )? No, but it does mean that we should forgive others as we hope they will forgive us. And all that really means is going forward having learned the lessons of thepast and being confident enough in ourselves that we have lived the best we can and that God will reward us with that effort.
I'm trying to reach the level of peace that Betsey has achieved and hope that she can maintain it. I do not think that such peace is delusional about what is going on around us--but is the peace that Christ and God knew that all of us are capable of securing.
The following is from a daily internet meditation on yesterday's gospel reading. I think it sums it up best.
Tuesday (5/11): “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you” Scripture: John 14:27-31
27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. 28 You heard me say to you, `I go away, and I will come to you.' If you loved me, you would have rejoiced, because I go to the Father; for the Father is greater than I. 29 And now I have told you before it takes place, so that when it does take place, you may believe. 30 I will no longer talk much with you, for the ruler of this world is coming. He has no power over me; 31 but I do as the Father has commanded me, so that the world may know that I love the Father. Rise, let us go hence.
Meditation: Do you know the peace which passes all understanding (Phil.4:7)? In his farewell discourse Jesus grants peace as his gift to his disciples. What kind of peace does he offer? The peace of Christ is more than the absence of trouble. It includes everything which makes for our highest good. The world's approach to peace is avoidance of trouble and a refusal to face unpleasant things. Jesus offers the peace which conquers our fears and anxieties. Nothing can take us from the peace and joy of Jesus Christ. No sorrow or grief, no danger, no suffering can make it less. Jesus also speaks of his destination and ultimate triumph over the powers of evil in the world. In the eyes of the world the cross stood for shame, humiliation, and defeat. Jesus went to the cross knowing that it would lead to victory over the powers of sin and of Satan. Jesus also knew that he would return to his Father in glory. The cross brought glory to Jesus and to the Father and it is our way to glory as well. In the Cross of Christ we find true peace and reconciliation with God. Do you live in the peace of Jesus Christ?
"Lord, may your peace be always with me. May no circumstance, trouble, or vexation rob me of the peace which passes all understanding. You, alone, O Lord, are my Peace. May I always reside in that peace by believing your word and by doing your will.”
)? No, but it does mean that we should forgive others as we hope they will forgive us. And all that really means is going forward having learned the lessons of thepast and being confident enough in ourselves that we have lived the best we can and that God will reward us with that effort. 
