Is there hope?

[Core]

Back to sleeping arrangements. I'd love to follow R2Cs advice and just hop in to bed before W. The roadblock is D4 and S1 whom need a full bedtime routine, soothing etc. I'd have to neglect them and leave all duties on W to get them to bed.
If I'm getting S1 to sleep, W is taking D4 in to the actual MBR bed. If I hop in and an argument occurs, D4 is right there.

Add to this, W called me extreme for having D4 sleep in D4s room with W instead of MBR. She says I know they'd be uncomfortable but I did it anyway. Then she said I was extreme for asking how they slept the next day. W advised this supposed extremeness is why she wants to D. I had some emotion to my voice as I was sad that D4 didnt want me to get her to sleep that night but thats about it.

I'm being watched and judged like a hawk. So this all being said, I still should take MBR back? Seem I would push us to D quicker as she's now mentioned its a hot point. What are some additional ways I can get respect back?

After thinking through what to do with the current situation of living with S while shes most likely talking to OM, I determined my hands are tied. I can't boot her out, nor can I boot myself out. Coexisting with this seems like the only option and each day of limbo feels shameful. The journal I came across is still in plain sight like it meant for me to read. I think one of the entries is her now questioning her R with OM though only one person knows what she means.

If we can't have R talks per DB rules, I just stay in limbo here?

Dude and dudettes, I'm being killed here. Do you have any more advice on the above or the following? Here's whats murdering me today. My parents went through a similar situation albeit when I was older. I couldnt forgive my parent who strayed. My W knows about this and said she'd never do the same. I've suffered massive loss in my family, basically just had two close relative left by the age 23. My best friend died in our teens. I just started therapy for ptsd and anxiety for these issues when W dropped the bomb.

I am trapped! I cant kick out my kids mom and babysitter, yet I cannot abandon the kids either. All I wanted in life was this family. To feel some peace. So I cant kick her out and I have to stay. I dont believe she is filing yet for D nor is she looking for a job. We have only two family members total who live here. Neither will watch the kids more than a couple hours at a time. As she as stay at home now, I would need her to get a job before there is any chance at getting out of limbo and its one year waiting for daycare/preschool. I feel forced to sit here and become my Ws friend for the kids. All knowing she is going to abandon the marriage at anytime. Whenever her agenda is complete. I've got no power here and none I can take back at least I feel that way. Im struggling mentally knowing I lost my W, my dreams and most of what made me happy. What made me get up in the morning. My son walked for the first time and I was more sad than happy, knowing I'll miss many of these moments. W is acting like we are chums. I don't want to be friends in any outcome. What in the world can I do besides the DB rules, 180s? I cant get much of a life with such young kids D4, S1. I'm sure OM is still in the picture and here my W and I are, sitting over dinner every night only talking to the kids. Maybe saying good night. This is a living h3ll or at least purgatory.