Is there hope?

[Core]

Core,

7. Look for trial memberships, groupons, etc for gym/GAL. It's out there. I assume you meant $14K over budget and not under.

You need to start resistance training, even if it's calisthenics at home. You need to be eating well. How is this coming along? Are you sleeping a whole night?

Great post, thank you. You're correct, we're 14k im the hole on budget this year. As far as sleeping, thats the killer. Even when stuff wasnt going on, W wouldnt get the kids to sleep early no matter how often I asked. Basically the kids go to bed between 10pm-11pm and Im up 530-6 on work days. Zero free time for me, while she sleeps in. Exercising is going well. Done alot of calisthenics to the point where I really do need more resistance. D4 will help me with added resistance. It's quite cute.

My wife was in the exact. Same. Place. "I'm dying inside", she said, "I feel so alone and abandoned", "every day I cry on my way in to work."I don't think we were ever happy together".

But rolling over and playing dead because you are taking on full load of guilt for both of you is not going to get you there. Trust me, I know, I have been there and come out the other side.

Wow, I was told almost all those same exact things! So I am thinking those sayings, rewriting the past, it what they do to justify their actions, shift blame and alleviate their own guilt. Wise words in your post, nothing good comes from me takimg on all the guilt. I agree on the promarriage counselor comment. I have a good one picked out who has been referred by our church, should W ever go.

you should have just listened and validated. "Reading your comments, it sounds like you felt isolated and alone, is that the way I made you feel?" "Yes, blah blah blah" "I am sorry you feel that way, it must be very frustrating." Notice you are not apologizing for anything YOU did, and you are not even agreeing with her. You are listening to her feelings, and validating them. Period. Then you go about your day like nothing happened. Why? BECAUSE NOTHING HAPPENED. All that spew, it is a reflection of how she feels at this moment in time. Her feelings will change in a year, or a month, or a week, or 5 minutes. She loved you, and she changed to not loving you. Guess what, she can change right back again and probably will. My XW and I did not reconcile, but her recent actions consistently express her love for me regardless. She does stuff she would not ever have considered in the months after BD (such as inviting me to her mom's for Thanksgiving for the 2nd year in a row).

AS, You're right in that I should've done nothing but validate. I swear its like learning to speak a new language. What you said about feelings changing again struck home, it was killing me thinking she could just permanently erase or rewrite our times together and if she were to always blame me, I question what she would tell the kids when they are older.