Thank you all for your wise and caring thoughts. I’m very thankful for the day I found this forum. It means a lot that you all take the time to read and comment on my story.
H just picked up S1 for his family Christmas weekend. He was 15 minutes late with no phone call or message in advance and no acknowledgement or apology when he arrived. Jeez, that really steams me. But I did not say anything about it because my expectations of him are below zero. I asked S1 to say hi, handed over his bags and gifts for H’s family, told S1 I loved him and would see him tomorrow, and hoped they would have a great time. I did not speak to H directly.
I admit I’m feeling a little ruffled right now. He doesn’t know that I know about OW. Every time I see him, I want to call him a liar and a cheater. I don’t and I won’t and that’s why I’m NC. But even just the sight of him is repulsive to me now.
As it’s S1’s first overnight away from home, I though I would feel sad. I expected to feel like I was missing out on a fun family weekend. But I really don’t. I have no desire to be part of it, or to spend time with H. That’s my old life, and I’m starting a better one on my own. I have a big weekend of GAL planned - seeing my financial advisor today to ‘singlefy’ my life insurance and other policies, then out with a friend for dinner, my first sleep-in EVER since S1 was born, and then some home reno projects with my stepdad tomorrow. Once S1 is dropped off tomorrow, we’ll go to his daycare Christmas party. Hooray!
Since the OW revelation in October, I think I’ve been slowly standing down. At first, I examined my feelings and was surprised to realise the cheating wasn’t a dealbreaker, and my goal was still to reconcile. I was at peace with my decision to stand until the divorce was final after twelve months. But over the last two months, my feelings have utterly died, and I am at peace with that too. I have no interest in any kind of relationship with this person at this point in time. He is my son’s father; nothing more.
