Last night I asked to call and talk to the kids and my W was out and the babysitter was watching the kids. Today she texted me to say she would be out again.
My frustration and anxiety have spiked. I know I need to chill out and let it go. The two parts of it that bother me are:
- Paying for the babysitter. She already does several hours per week, why the extra hours? Why should I pay for this? Shouldn't this be taken out of W's personal account? - If I had a babysitter watch the kids on an evening my W would be very upset, and possibly want me to use my personal spending account.
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Question: It's another one of those NGS situations -- do I stand up for myself and address this? Or just let it go, because it's just money and this will be sorted out soon?
Maybe I should wait until our MC session on Monday and suggest we work out what comes out of personal spending on what doesn't. And part of that is understanding the childcare costs.
Thoughts?
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Things that are not frustrating me are worrying about what she is doing. Xmas shopping, dinner with a friend, OM, I really don't care. I just think I shouldn't be paying for the sitter hours while she GALs. (or if she GALs... maybe she has a doctor appointment for all I know).
I should also nod towards one 3rd frustration I guess - we used to barely go out to dinner once a month, even though I tried. She could "never" line up the babysitter, and wouldn't let me try. Now, she is apparently available consecutive evenings for outings. I know... it just tells me that our MR was more broken than I thought long before it escalated towards the BD. It tells me she didn't want to work on it. She would say we weren't emotionally connected but not be willing to go to MC and put in an effort, or go on dates. Reminds me a lot of ScottB's recent posts. I wish she had just said ILYBINILWY and I would have understood more than just being blamed for it all. I guess I just need to nod towards the feelings and let it be, don't get too consumed.
